so i think God showed me something! i had to postpone my spinal fusion. i was supposed to have it on the 4th but my dad had some health problems and we wanted him better first, since they will be caring for my kids during my recovery.

anyway……i was VERY nervous terrified about the procedure,even tho i know it has to be done. i never really accepted it was going to happen.

but now???? God has helped me get over it! lol my pain pills aren’t even touching the pain i have now! every day it seems to get worse and worse. getting into my car and reaching to close my door is one of my recent challenges. sitting has been added to an action that causes pain. i am pretty much unable to do ANYTHING. showering,standing to blow dry my hair,getting dressed,getting out of bed, it all causes excruciating pain. so much so that i want the surgery NOW damnit!! lol so yea,no question about it-i am READY! i can’t live like this anymore! the boys have been so helpful this past week. they know that mommy hurts and soon will get better.they witness me crying out in extreme pain several times a day,i just can’t help it!

as soon as i get up in the morning i take an oxycodone and a lyrica.that first set of meds used to do something for me but no longer! i used to only take 2 pain pills a day,but now i am taking them as prescribed-every 6 hours! and i am still hurting!

i miss doing stuff with my kids.i can’t wait til i can go to sea world again and not have to sit down every 10 minutes cause of the pain. i know it is affecting the kids.

every year for my birthday we go to the county fair. well,it’s that time again and i don’t think i could do it. or if i did i wouldn’t have a very good time. i practically crawl out of walmart when i have to do shopping. the other day i went and i was in tears from the pain.i could barely walk.i had to sit down on that dirty floor to relieve some of the pain.

did i say i am ready?!?!? goodness gracious i am *READY*