My Life In Words

Archive for the ‘Milestones’ Category

isaak had his 2 month dr visit today to check on his apnea issues and a few other lil things.

well, i was right…yeast infection on his neck.dr says keep using the lamisil once a day and the other rashes are like i thought-contact dermatitis and the stork bite on the back of his head is ok even though it has gotten bigger and bright red.

i guessed right- he is 22 inches(my ds2 was 22 inches at birth! lol). and he weighs 10.8!! so he has gained 4 pounds since birth-not too shabby!! icon_heartbeat.gif he is right about 50%th for weight and only about 25%th for height…short and chunky like mama! icon_mrgreen.gif

his head measures 15—lmfao cause ds2,his head at BIRTH was 15!! yea and VAGINAL birth it was horrific to say the least esp with the epidural that did not work,i’m still not over it!! icon_redface.gif

he got 3 shots and i felt so unsure about agreeing to them….ugh.i declined the hep b at the hospital cause did you know it is to protect against an std and only is good til 13yrs of age(about)so i told them if my kid is having sex before 13yrs he has more to worry about with ME than an std!! lol but todays shot was a combo-hep b was mixed in with polio and one other one…he got 5 vaccines and 3 pokes omg that is just too much for little ones icon_sad.gif it is such a hard choice to make with vaccines nowadays i am so worried. we have so manytough choices tomake as parents nowadays.

while waiting for the shots i had him over my shoulder and he was getting hungry so he started sucking on his forearm and OMG did he give himself the biggest darkest hickey!! lmao. i took a photo with my cell phone…goin to try and figure how to upload it later on…or take another with the digi.

the dr thought his cloth diapers were ‘way cool’. lol 😉 i’ve finally gotten confident enough to use cloth outside the home too since they hold so well and we have less leaks with cloth than disposable-even at NIGHT when wearing it for many hours straight!

almost 2 months old 9/25 wearing a small fuzzibunz

better late than never, right? the inevitable is happening in 7 days or less so i figured i’d better stop trying to put it off and just come to grips with it already!!

Birth plan for baby of Kelly P*****/ Kerry ******
 
-Please lower the surgical drape so I am able to see him being pulled from the womb
 
-Please allow Dad(if he is up to it,and baby is ok), to cut the cord
 
-Please delay all eye cream and injections until after Baby has had skin to skin contact with Mom and been put to the breast for his first nursing attempt-I understand they need to be applied within the end of the 1st hour, I just ask to have that intial hour with him before these things are performed
 
-Please have the Babys footprints applied to our baby book(Dad will show the page),and also to Dads surgical gown

-Please don’t forget I am also having a tubal

-If possible, stitches on the outside that dissolve would be much appreciated rather than staples

-I had an allergic reaction to the steri strips after my daughters csection, please use an alternative if it is available
 
-Our son will NOT be circumcised

-Please do not offer sugar water or formula of any type
 
THANK YOU for helping us welcome our boy into the world by allowing us to follow these few guidelines to make it memorable for us.

That 5th request is super important,i may use a hi lighter to make it stand out!! 😉

as i sit here typing,my baby is in my playground(aka office)crying. she is nestled in a box lid with 2 inch high sides for stability and security.these are her final hours in this world.

i watched her come into this world in the hot month of june,1991. i was newly 18 years old,i will be 37 next month. spaz and her brother blue moon,along with a few more siblings were born that day. it was an amazing sight for my eyes. to see the wonder of nature,instinct and a mother cats love all work in sync-it is something i’ll never forget.we thought spaz was born dead,for she came out fully encased in the sac and not moving for minutes. little did we know that mama cat had it all under control. she began to eat away at the sticky membranes surrounding the kitten and forcefully nudging it all the while. once fully out,she licked the little ball of fur until it began breathing and moving. it was so incredible,(albeit gross at the time)to watch the process.

i chose spaz and blue moon as my own from the bunch.over the years i’ve had as many as 6 cats in my home at one time.my cats are my family.before i had children,they were all i had. i can’t tell you how many times my feline friends helped me out of depression and made me feel not quite so alone in the darkest moments of my life. i’d do anything for them! i passed up renting great places to live because i refused to give up my cats.i’ve had bills go unpaid because my cats well being came first.heck-i’m medically allergic to cats but yet even that can’t make me give them up.i’ve been the subject of ridicule with how much i have been willing to pay for the health of my cats,or for the medical maintenance we take on at home.currently,her brother recieves sub cutaneous fluids on a regular basis at home to help with his kidney disease/failure.

spaz has enriched my life so much and i will never forget her.she has kept watch over my newborn babies,she has curled up near my head on lonely nights,she has watched tv with me at all hours of the day,she has allowed little hands to pull her tail and poke her eyes and never once hissed,she has literally reached a paw out to me when i was crying,she would always grab my hand and bring it to her face if she wanted scratches in her special spots,she’s a great foot warmer and whenever i was pregnant,she loved to keep my belly warm.i’m a firm believer that cats know when their owner is pregnant.

she has been such a special part of my life for nearly 19 years! i may have made some mistakes,i may have ignored her during life transitions,or skipped a day or 2 cleaning the litter boxes,but her love has always been unconditional and never ending. i’ve always felt a special bond with my spaz. she would never grab other peoples hands and bring them to her face,it was something special between her and i only.

she was diagnosed with feline diabetes in the beginning of 2007.along with it came neuropathy.we started giving her twice daily insulin shots,and i’d keep an eye on her blood glucose levels at home using a lancet kit just like human diabetics use. some may have put down a cat with such an illness,but why i’ll never understand.we’ve gotten 3 more years with her by treating her illness.i would never discard my family member just because they are ill. it wasn’t a death sentence and is easily treatable. she deserved to be cared for to the best of our ability! granted,there were times she missed her shots and i’ll always have guilt over it,but no one is perfect.

i know deep in my heart her time is up.she has lived beyond the average lifespan of an indoor cat. her life has been a full one; full of lots of love too! but knowing this isn’t helping the pain in my heart.i have cried so much since december 30th when her health took a turn for the worse.i told myself  i’d give her a few days to be sure it wasn’t something she could bounce back from,like she did last march after seizing and only having 10% body hydration.but by saturday january 2nd,she showed no signs of improvement and in fact had gotten worse. she began crying and the neuropathy was in full force. i made a promise to myself and to her that monday is the day.

this weekend has been the longest in my life.on one hand i didn’t want it to end and on the other hand i wanted monday to hurry and get here.i just don’t want to give her up forever and ever.she is such a big part of my life. but i know she is suffering now and it is my duty to her to help end it.but it doesn’t make it any easier,not at all. my heart is still breaking for the both of us. i’ve never experienced the process of euthanasia before. i knew one day i may have to,but hoped mother nature would supercede such a time.

i spent a long time in the dark hours of the morning sunday quietly talking to spaz. i gently pet her in all her favorite spots and reminded her how much she is loved. i kissed her and whispered it was ok for her to go now,i would understand.i told her i was sorry for the times i was less than perfect,i thanked her for the love she has given me and for the gentleness she always showed the children.and again told her she could go now,to stop fighting and find peace. her cries are heart breaking,she is such a fighter.

she dragged herself in here a few minutes ago and tried to climb her doggy stairs to get in bed with me.so now she is lying next to me in her box lid,with her eyes barely open and her front paws keep twitching every few seconds.at this rate,i may not go to sleep and just get to the vet right when they open.it’s 545am,it just makes more sense. i don’t want to sleep with her like this.if i slept,it would delay it even longer.but i want to delay it. i want her.i don’t want her to leave me. i know that is selfish and it isn’t fair to her.i’m just going to miss her terribly.i didn’t think it would be this difficult.i’ve shed so many tears this weekend,it just won’t stop.

i love you spazzy! i hope you know how much you are loved and how much better life was with you a part of it. may you rest in peace,free from pain. may you smile as you cross over the rainbow bridge : http://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together…. 

Author unknown

 

2/09

february of 2009-spaz

10/09

october 09.spaz&blue moon were both very ill

we love you spaz

january 3rd,2010 her last day here on earth is january 4th ;(

 
 

 

 
 

perhaps the most complicated months in my entire life thus far- july and august 2009. i am happy that september is peeking around the corner and i can say so long to august.

august began with frequent thoughts of suicide- more of suicidal ideations than an actual plan to complete it. my children are my life,i truly live for them.but i felt so hopeless in july and at the beginning of august that thoughts of everything being no more would enter my mind more often than daily.honestly ,a couple times i was triggered and figured some family members would be better off without me.

then of course i got help going into the 2nd week of august. i knew i was at rock bottom by a few things that had transpired.and soon after i had HOPE.

now we’re closing out the month and i have been so hopeful for almost 2 weeks,have a mostly positive attitude and a renewed lease on life!! things are definately different this time. i am fed up with my depression and with how long it went on this time before i got help. i don’t EVER want to go thru another time like the past 6 months( started after my surgery).total hell,ripped me raw from the inside out.

so august,you can leave now!! i’m ready for a fresh,new month! bring on september. i am stronger,more hopeful and determined to succeed. 🙂

erika is doing so well with potty training. but at times of resistance we offer her a lollipop if she goes on the potty and keeps her undies dry.

so today this is how it went down:

mommy i have to potty.mommy i have to potty.

(she runs to the potty,starts to tug at her undies then stops and runs back to me)

mommy,lollipop okay ? after i stopped giggling i said ok and she ran back to the potty and did her business and proclaims i get a lollipop now!

the little stinker wanted to be sure she was going to get a lollipop BEFORE she did her business!! holy moly!! she is a pistol!!! i think it’s time to wean her of the potty rewards like ASAP!!

erika is just 26 months old and she went poopy on her potty today for the first time(she’s peed twice,but never poopy lol! 🙂 it wasn’t just a coincidence either,she TOLD me she had to go poopy and walked over to the potty,sat down and did her thing!!! WOOHOO!! i am so proud of my baby girl!! girls definately get the hang of it sooner than boys(than my boys anyway,! lol).

now to see just how long she takes to become fully day trained! hoping this wasn’t just a fluke,i’m pretty confident it wasn’t!

 i totally believe it is healthiest to NOT push the child when it comes to using the potty,to just have it available and always talk about what goes in it and keep asking if she wants to use it and making a HUGE deal when she does sit on it-even if nothing happens. in the beginning she would get a sticker just for sitting on it,didn’t matter if she went or not. lol

wearing her first pair of trainer undies,and her present for going,dress up shoes.no,that’s not her tail!:

my big girl!!!

my big girl!!!

wow!! i just turned 36 whopping years old!! physically i really feel more like 75!! 😦

but in others ways i certainly DO NOT feel 36. geesh it just sounds so…. OLD!! ugh

a friend told me she is taking me for a pedicure today(never had one!),but i think it is going to depend on how  my pain level is tomorrow. we shall see…..

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